The Energetics of Being: A Human Design Podcast

Ep10: Rejection Sensitivity, Visibility & Rediscovering My Voice

• Sarah Atkins • Episode 10

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Episode 10: Rejection Sensitivity, Visibility & Rediscovering My Voice

Episode Summary:

After a 10-month break, Sarah returns to The Energetics of Being to share her personal journey of navigating rejection sensitivity, burnout, and visibility struggles as a neurodivergent business owner. She opens up about how past events resurfaced in 2024, impacting her ability to show up and engage with her work. Through Human Design, equine therapy, and deep self-reflection, she uncovers how rejection sensitivity affects her confidence, business, and online presence. Sarah also shares insights on ADHD, Autism, and the energetic shifts that shaped her growth, along with her new Human Design journal designed for neurodivergent thinkers.

Topics Discussed:

  • Rejection Sensitivity & its impact on visibility
  • ADHD, Autism & business challenges
  • Human Design insights on self-doubt & confidence
  • Burnout, emotional regulation & energy management
  • Social media struggles & neurodivergent self-comparison
  • Equine therapy & what horses revealed about rejection
  • Breaking the cycle of pushing through exhaustion
  • Embracing alternative ways to show up in business

Timestamps:

00:00 - Introduction & why I took a break
 02:30 - The unexpected challenges of 2024
 07:45 - How rejection sensitivity stopped me from showing up
 11:15 - Human Design & self-doubt (Gate 48 & Line 5)
 14:50 - ADHD, Autism & visibility struggles in business
 18:30 - Social media, comparison & energy crashes
 21:40 - What equine therapy taught me about rejection
 27:15 - Shifting my approach to showing up
 30:10 - Introducing my Human Design journal for neurodivergent thinkers

Key Quotes:

"I had massively underestimated how much rejection sensitivity impacts me."

"I placed so much expectation on myself and what the outcome should be that I almost had further to fall."

"I'm better at talking. I'm better on video, and I’m just leaning into that and seeing where it leads me."

"Social media can be a double-edged sword. It triggers ideas, but it also triggers comparison and rejection sensitivity."

"Human Design helped me understand my own patterns—why I struggle with visibility and why I keep pushing until I burn out."

Links & Resources

Connect With Sarah

Website: www.sarahatkinsdesign.com

Follow on Instagram

Connect on LinkedIn

Buy the 2025 Energetics of Being Journal on Amazon

Sarah Atkins:

Welcome to the Energetics of Being Podcast, a podcast that delves into the fascinating world of human design and unravels the layers of conditioning beliefs and expectations that can influence who we become and how we show up in our lives. I'm your host, Sarah Atkins, and I'm really excited to share this journey with you. We'll explore topics such as human design, gene keys, astrology, holistic approaches, coaching, neuroscience, and psychology. We're gonna draw from a rich tapestry of wisdom to help you navigate your own personal journey of self-discovery. This is your invitation to step into your power, embrace your uniqueness, and create a life that resonates with your soul's deepest desires. So if you're ready to dive in, let's go. Hello my loves. Long time no see. That's massively on me and I thought I'd just record this little mini podcast episode to let you know what's been going on in my world really. Because I started the podcast and I've got some amazing episodes. That I just need to put out there. But last year, 2024, came with some interesting challenges for me. So, some personal things, like family related things. And I have also been on a really personal journey, which I know this is the whole thing. That was the whole point of doing this podcast in the first place, right? To share the messy bits and all of the different strategies that we can use for deconditioning, to optimise our wellbeing, sort out our energy, looking at working with our human design and things like that. And I had this weird thing going on last year, where I honestly thought I'd done, like, the deepest, darkest healing aspects of my journey. But around about, I would say, May June time, which was the anniversary of a few big things for me including the passing of my mum, which was in 2022, and then a shifting of my status. Something else happened to me in 2022, which is not, this is not really the platform to share, but it all got kind of tied up with the anniversary of my mum passing. It's weird how all of these things are somehow connected. Now I hadn't actually made the connection for myself. But last year I had the privilege of working with The amazing Gemma Wendt if you are not familiar with Gemma I can pop a link in the show notes and you should go and check her out. I had the opportunity to work with Gemma mentoring and as part of her Elevate Collective membership, which has now transitioned into the Elevate Mastermind. But I had targeted last year, like 2024 was about supposed to be about my business growth and focusing on building my business and building my reputation, stepping into my authority. That's exactly what I went into 2024 with. is my intention. However, it would appear the universe had a different idea for me, a different plan, which is quite often what happens in these things. And I had some reflections actually, in my final session with Gemma back in December, where I expressed some frustration and some disappointment really, because I hadn't, my business hadn't evolved in the way that I had planned. and working with Gemma I didn't quite get what I'd intended. I got exactly what I needed though and from probably June through to now, I'm still kind of working through it now, I ended up exploring some deep shadow stuff. Stuff that I had assumed that I had worked through. Some of it was, I guess, triggering a bit of a trauma response and the whole world of social media, right, has changed in the last, well, since I started my business five years ago. And I had massively underestimated these events that happened to me in 2022. I'd massively underestimated how much they'd impacted me. And my ability to show up, not just in my business, but also being visible. So being visible on social media, talking about what I do my business has grown consistently over the last five years. So. From that aspect, it's great, but I still have this dislike, I guess, for want of a better description, of being visible. And in my sessions with Gemma, my mentor, we did a lot of energy clearing. I've done so much energy clearing on myself. Over the last two years, really, since I first trained in the conscious energy clearing methodology training with Gemma. And I thought, and this is where it becomes quite funny, like, we can quite often think that we are healed that, I am on the right path and I'm kind of moving forward. So, you know, I have been in some ways, but there was still some areas and I had, massively underestimated how much certain situations actually trigger a trauma response in my nervous system. Right. But you get so used to just carrying on and just continuing and pushing forwards because You know, I've got kids to manage, I've got a business to run, I've got a household to run, that it's very easy to miss those little signs, those little Indicators, I suppose, that you're heading towards, you know, burning out, which effectively is what I did again. And this is why I'm sharing this now, because actually I lost half of January this year, 2025, to illness, because whilst I'm great at helping my neurodivergent clients identifying is triggering their nervous system, what is triggering that collapse of their energy of their motivation. I'm not so great. This is where I lack a bit of my own not awareness. It's not even an awareness. It's like, I have this ability to just ignore the early signs and just keep pushing. I've done it since I was a kid. It is a coping mechanism. It's gotten me out of a few scrapes, but obviously it's not sustainable. And I guess this is what this episode is about really, I don't want people to put me, and I say this to my clients when I work with them one to one, I don't deserve to be on a pedestal, just because I'm a coach, and I specialise in neurodivergence, doesn't make me infallible. I can still burn out. I can still not notice what is going on for myself because I, you know, and I'd gotten myself into this position where I'm serving my clients and I'm showing up for my clients and they're having amazing breakthroughs and they're doing really well. And. My kids are thriving, I honestly, we, I've shared a little bit I think in previous episodes about some of the challenges that I have with my boys because I have three neurodivergent boys. And it's so funny, I think, where Your nervous system, in particular mine, is so ready for a fight, because I've been in that state for such a long time. I will fight for my children, I will advocate for them. They're all in mainstream education, so I'm fortunate in that sense. But I am there for them and I advocate for my clients and I empower them to advocate for themselves and I do all of that. And I can quite often forget about my own needs. Now, last year I took on some additional responsibilities for supporting a family member, which I absolutely I'm grateful that I get this opportunity to support them, but it's also quite, energetically and emotionally draining at the same time. I have no regrets, I want to be really clear about that, just in case that family member is listening. But it it has triggered a lot of old childhood stuff. So there's this, this recurring theme, I guess, where the lot of like old stuff is coming up for me. And where I've been working through that stuff, it stopped me or it has been preventing me from showing up, which has included my podcast. Now I had reached a point with this podcast where I had sort of structured or I planned out all my episodes and I got stuck at the point where. It needed to be a solo episode before I started sharing more of the interviews that I've got. I promise there's a point to this. But I thought this was a really good example of how we can get in our own way. Whether you're neurodivergent or whether you're neurotypical to be fair. Energetics wise, this is why energetics is really important because I have, I'm a generator type. I'm an emotional generator. I don't necessarily initiate things. I respond to things. And I hadn't got the capacity to respond. That's what had stopped me. And I think I've been in that sort of generator plateau where I got a bit lost. I got a bit overwhelmed and I wasn't sure where to go next. I didn't have the capacity to show up in the way that I wanted to on the podcast which had stopped me, which then also, rejection sensitivity wise, I was then starting to feel really bad that I have all of these amazing interviews with some incredible humans recorded and episodes sorted and lined up.. I'm letting them down. So this is where the RSD goes into absolute loco overdrive. They must think I'm a waste of space. They must think that I'm useless and I'm uncommitted and I haven't followed through. So then I internalise all of that. So Last year was, I was very brutal to myself. Now I share this because I think if you are experiencing rejection sensitivity, I think we underestimate how much it can stop us and hold us back. Now, the start of my big breakthrough with recognising this in myself I was fortunate enough to have an equine therapy session. I went along to the Red Horse Foundation, which is here locally, here in Stroud, and I took part in their Way of the Horse workshop. Which is where they Introduce you to Equine Therapy. It was a group session and as part of that we got our own therapy session with the horses. And I, for anybody that knows me personally, I love horses. I can ride. I don't even have to be riding. I quite often, one of the reasons I moved here is to be more in the countryside. I dream about horses. Which is probably a bit weird. I, I guess it was my special interest where when I was a kid, I knew everything about them. I had big folder and there was like a, anyway, I go off on a tangent. I used to know all of the different breeds. I've lost some of that now, as you get a bit older, you add new things, old things fall out, but I still recognise a lot of the old breeds and the terminology and stuff. I try going riding whenever I can. I will strategically plan my dog walks, which will include walking past some horses in the field. I'm the weird horse lady, you have cat ladies. I'm the weirdo that goes and talks to random horses and nine times out of ten, they come and speak to me, come and say hi, which always makes me feel good. So I got this opportunity to do this Way of the Horse workshop and I was so excited. I couldn't contain my excitement because this was like a legitimate way I could see of bringing horses into my work, which is epic, right? I wasn't prepared for what happened on that day. I already had in my mind because I've been along to the center a few times I picked out the horse I knew in my mind who I was gonna work with and I chose at the time I knew him as Joli but they'd changed his name last year because they felt it he'd evolved and changed and they chose a name that suited his new role within the herd. So I was like, okay, that's cool. You know, I'm going to go with Antero. And my opportunity came, my turn came to go and introduce myself to him in the arena. And I was so excited to get up close because like I said, I love horses, right? And literally the worst thing that could ever happen, happened. So he was stood, I walked up to meet him. He sniffed me and just turned away and walked to the other side of the arena. In front of a group of people. Not gonna lie, I actually feel quite emotional telling you about this now because of those feelings that came up. And I was. Devastated. Devastated. I've been so looking forward to it. I love horses. I'm good with horses. I'm comfortable around them. And he was not interested in me whatsoever. Now, one of the beauties of equine facilitated therapy and the beauty of working with horses is that they act as a karmic mirror They literally, you can't hide from it. You can't pretend you're someone you're not. And what they do is they reflect your own energy back at you. And the therapist said like, Okay, how are you feeling right now? And I was like, this rush of emotion. I could have cried right there in that moment. I just felt so rejected. And those feelings of rejection make me feel so uncomfortable. And the long and the short of it is, obviously we worked through, that's the whole point of having a therapist there. They are trained psychotherapists. And talking through that, like what rejection means, how it makes me feel, how it shows up in me and my business. I had massively underestimated how much rejection sensitivity impacts me. It was one of those ADHD symptoms that I didn't think really impacted me that much, but this equine therapy session actually showed me that I go into most interactions carrying this fear of being rejected. So when he rejected me, I placed so much expectation on myself and what the outcome should be that I almost have further to fall because my expectations are really high. And I genuinely was like, I was so excited. I'm good at horses. I can do this. I'm going to be really good at this. That was all the things that I was telling myself. And then it didn't play out the way I expected. Utter devastation. So then we explored other ways that that rejection comes in. And it's created a massive shift in me. It's helped me identify where rejection sensitivity shows up with me a lot. I then delved in a little bit more into my human design and I have several areas where if we look at this from an energetic perspective, I have Gate 48, which is known as the well. So in its optimum expression. It's this drive to learn, to delve deep into subjects, to be the best that you can be. It's like the well of knowledge, I guess. But its shadow aspect is fear of not being enough, because it's in the Splenic Centre. Brings with it this fear of not enoughness, like I don't know enough, I'm not good enough, I don't have enough experience. And I very much carried that aspect with me. My line five profile, so I'm a three five emotional generator. The line three is the experimenter, known as the martyr. But then the line five is the heretic, also known as like the fixer or the coach, the teacher, that kind of thing. It's a leadership line, but the line five quite often projects what they want people to see. The line five, I guess, is like a master masker. In neurodivergent terms. We project this, we get, we give off a vibe that. We can fix anything. We're highly capable. We can do anything. And yeah, we can. However, quite often people believe that we're more highly capable than we believe we are. Because they believe the image, the energy that we project out, which is, you know, masking at its best. So we come across as being quietly confident but inside, I might be dying. I'll be like sweating, panicking, worrying what people thinking. And when we explore this aspect through, this is why human design can be so fascinating when you look at it through the lens of neurodivergence because Neurodivergence is multifaceted, right? We've got multiple different neurological conditions and things that fall under the neurodivergent umbrella, but I don't believe in putting people in boxes. The neurodivergent spiky profile is multifaceted. So, for example, you know, I'm autistic ADHD, which means I've got those two things kind of butting up against each other. My son is autistic ADHD, or my middle one is autistic ADHD and dyspraxia we've got going on. You have even the different profiles within ADHD, so it's not just ADHD anymore. You've got the hyperactive, you've got the inattentive, or you've got the combined, which is the what I am with my diagnosis. So I have the bouts of like not being able to focus and not being able to concentrate coupled with maybe a bit of impulsivity, maybe a bit of hyperactivity, but my hyperactivity is in my brain and my mouth to be fair. I quite often talk without thinking I'm getting better at it. But when we look at this through neurodivergence, So I've just explained a couple of aspects where my RSD might be coming up. I've also got, and I've talked about this before, my undefined crown in Ajna. like lack of focus, lack of ability to pay attention sometimes. I can go off multiple different tangents like I'm doing a little bit on this podcast episode. The RSD thing was very, a very big part of my self exploration last year. I am not over it because it's not something that can be cured. It doesn't also get cured with medication. It's something that I have to continuously work on and I guess this episode is a little bit about that. It's me ripping off the bandaid because I haven't shared a new podcast episode for so long. It started becoming a really big thing in my head. And I'm sure nobody noticed, the world has not exploded. The world has not ended. And nobody is judging me apart from me. So this episode is very much about me ripping off the band aid, sharing a little bit about what's been going on with myself. I am going to do better. I've kind of fallen out of love with social media, but I think that's part of a bigger thing in terms of noticing what's going on in the world. being more mindful about what I'm consuming and what can trigger my RSD because quite often, I know you're supposed to share things on social media. And because I'm a generator, I need to respond. So I always need to find things that trigger a response in me. So that does sometimes involve going onto social media to explore, identify trends, things that people are talking about, trigger ideas, get inspired. But at the same time, it also triggers massive RSD because I think other people are better at what they're doing, they're showing up better, they're more consistent. I can really use social media to massively punish myself. So part of me managing this a bit better for myself. At the end of last year, I set up some accountability for myself and I have several people in my world. I don't just place this responsibility on one person because, you know, that's too much for one person. But I have mutual agreements with a couple of amazing humans, which I am going to get them on to the podcast at some point. We just haven't arranged it yet. But they are there for me. I can voice note them. They can voice note me. I am there for them. I support them in the best way. And this morning I had a call with one such amazing human. And we talked about just digesting what's been going on over the last few weeks. And things have come to a head for me in terms of not showing up anywhere. And she asked me this best question, like, what feels easy to you right now? What do you have capacity for? And it wasn't writing a social media post. It was like, oh, I can just talk. I learned from doing the podcast when I first started, I learned that I can actually talk to myself quite easily and quite comfortably. I am a verbal processor, so I talk to think. I don't always remember what I've said. So actually, even for myself, it's really good to listen back to my own podcast episodes and think, Oh, that was really wise. That was really insightful. Thanks for sharing that. But this felt the easiest. So I thought, fuck it, I'm just gonna record a podcast. There's no script, I'm just riffing on how things come up and what I wanted to talk about. So I don't even have any notes in front of me. But I wanted to share a little bit about where I'm at. What my plans are. I am going to be releasing some more podcast episodes. I am going to be seeking out people to interview some more of because I think these conversations are super important. I'm going to share a little bit more about my journey, not only as a neurodivergent business owner, but as a coach and as a parent carer, which is part of a new identity that I'm kind of becoming, I won't say comfortable with, but I'm identifying more with. Because, again, I haven't accepted any support, external support or help. We've been doing this, myself and my husband, for my eldest, who'll be 15 this year. We've done all of this, all ourselves, and we have not accepted any external support at all. And there's only so much that this Line 5 can just keep fixing and keep fighting and keep advocating without accepting help. So that's a new part, new process, and it's not because I'm not enough. It's not because I'm not good enough. It's because I can accept help. I am worthy and deserving of accepting help and support. And that's where I'm at. So I hope this helps anybody that has been feeling very similar to me. I am going to apologise, even though my friends tell me I apologise too much, but I am going to apologise for not being here as much as I would want. I am going to be showing up more often. This podcast is probably going to be my primary place and potentially YouTube is my new thing that I'm going to be working on because I am better talking. I'm better on video and I'm just leaning into that and seeing where it leads me. So thanks for listening. If you got this far, I'm excited to see what 2025 is going to bring. It feels more expansive already in where we're at, but also Something that is exciting about 2025 that I haven't really shared a huge amount is I have launched my very own journal. This is the proof copy. It is available on Amazon. It's about human design. It is neurodivergent friendly because there's some added bonuses. If you're anything like me, I'm terrible at buying a journal and then not doing it because I get really excited. I start doing it a few times. And then I get bored or I lose interest, but this journal is a bit different. It is all designed with human design in mind. It is focusing on the transits and if I show you the format very briefly. So we have we have a month page where it gives you like an overview and you can write some notes. It's got a brief. overview of the energies the energetic theme and what the gates are for that month. It also shows you when the new moon and the full moon will be for the month, so you can almost plan ahead. And then for each gate transit, because we experience all of the human design chart, it's not just about your energy type, we experience each gate that transits. So it will show you which gate is being activated with the solar transit. It tells you what the energetic themes are. So what your shadow aspect is, what the gift and what the siddhi, the highest vibration is. It gives you a brief overview and then we've got some, we've got an affirmation. If you struggle with coming up with your own. There's some journaling questions and then there is a weekly reflection. So it's not a journal that needs to be filled in every day. Because who is about that and who has time. It shouldn't take you very long. For those of you who struggle like me with object permanence and consistency and remembering, I have an email option. So when you get your journal. There is a QR code for you to click on. You can sign up to the journal updates email. It's purely just related to the journal. So it will give you an alert when there's a new transit, just to remind you, prompt you to get your journal out and to have a look at it. Quarterly, we will be having some quarterly reflections. They will be on zoom with me live. And anybody that has the journal will be invited for free, and that will be quarterly where we do a bit of reflection. There will be some energy clearing or an Akashic journey depending on what the vibe of the group is. They are group sessions. So they will be happening once a quarter and yeah, it's exciting working with my own journal and I'm excited about this journey I should have said the journal, I think is 25 pounds on Amazon. And it's a way of having me walk alongside you throughout 2025 so that you can have your best year. Have me walking alongside you. It's about working with your energy and it's a personal evolution journey. That's what the journal is about. So I will pop the link to buy the journal in the show notes and I hope you found this interesting and I promise I will be releasing some more episodes soon. Take care. Thanks for listening and I'll see you all soon. I hope you found our exploration today, both insightful and inspiring, and if you resonated with what you heard today, I invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your preferred platform, whatever that might be. Your feedback is really invaluable and it helps us to reach even more listeners on their own journey of self-discovery. And remember, the conversation doesn't have to end here. You can connect with me on social media. I'm on Instagram under the handle sarah m atkins. Or you can find me on Facebook just as Sarah Atkins. I would really love to hear from you and continue our conversation there. I am on a personal mission to bring you thought provoking conversations and practical insights to help you break free from the conditioning that holds you back And as we close out this episode, take a moment to reflect on what you've learned today. How can you apply these insights to your own life? What steps can you take to further align with your own authentic self? Thank you again for listening. I really do appreciate you choosing to spend some time with me. And until next time, stay curious, stay authentic, and stay true to you.