Ep3 - Family Dynamics through the lens of Human Design

Episode Summary

In this episode, Sarah shares how human design has helped her better understand her family's dynamics and individual needs, especially as a parent of neurodivergent children. She provides real life examples of how knowledge of her kids' charts has allowed her to support them better and relate to each one based on their unique design. 

Key Topics Covered

- How Sarah first turned to human design when struggling as a parent
- Her son Ben's extreme sensitivity with mostly open centers
- Understanding her defiant middle son Nathan's manfestor anger
- Supporting her projector son Harry's intense need for recognition
- The diverse energy types and profiles within her family
- Balancing being an emotionally defined mom with an undefined husband and sons
- Allowing family members private time based on their need as energy types 
- Sarah's vision for raising emotionally intelligent, self-aware sons

Notable Quotes

"Human design came into my life...I was actually probably starting to believe that I was a bit of a rubbish parent." 

"Human design is not a diagnostic tool...the formal diagnosis is more for other people to be more tolerant."

"The more confident [Harry's] grown, the more solid he is with knowing who he is, and that's developed his independence."

"I see it as my role as a mum of boys to bring up boys that respect the female archetype, that they're breaking out of that toxic masculine archetype."

"The more we can embrace our individuality and uniqueness, and accept that other people are individual and unique, then that elevates the whole world."

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Transcript

0:03

Welcome to the Energetics of Being Podcast, a podcast that delves into the fascinating world of human design and unravels the layers of conditioning beliefs and expectations that can influence who we become and how we show up in our lives. I'm your host, Sarah Atkins, and I'm really excited to share this journey with you. This podcast is for you if you're tired of feeling stuck, held back, or disconnected from your true self. My intention for this podcast is that we're going to shine a light on the patterns and behaviors that can prevent us from fully expressing our authentic self. Together we'll uncover the tools, insights, and practices that can empower you to release the limitations that no longer serve you. We are gonna tap into the power of energy, intuition, and self-awareness to unlock your true potential so that you can live a life that aligns with your authentic self. Join me each week as we engage in thought-provoking conversations with experts, practitioners, and individuals who have experienced their own profound transformations. We'll explore topics such as human design, gene keys, astrology, holistic approaches, coaching, neuroscience, and psychology. We're gonna draw from a rich tapestry of wisdom to help you navigate your own personal journey of self-discovery. So whether you are new to human design or have been on a path of self-discovery for years, this podcast is for you. This is your invitation to step into your power, embrace your uniqueness, and create a life that resonates with your soul's deepest desires. So if you're ready to dive in, let's go.

Sarah: 1:43

Hello and welcome to today's podcast episode and today I really wanted to talk about family dynamics which is something that human design has helped massively with, with understanding how we work as a family in terms of our energetics. What works and what doesn't and the relationships that we have between each other. Because human design actually found me Back end of 2019, beginning of sort 2020, now I'm not gonna lie, I was struggling with parenting. I couldn't understand, like I'd actually probably started believing that I was a bit of a rubbish parent if I'm honest, because we were having all sorts of struggles. We'd moved, relocated our family, and My oldest son had really struggled with the move, which, you know, he was eight at the time. But we couldn't understand, and there'd been like little hints and moments of stress. So my kids are not naughty, none of them are. They're lovely, lovely boys, but all I can describe is that our parenting journey, since the moment Ben was born has been really, really intense. So, we were on a journey as a parent and my husband, we were on a journey to sort of try and understand the kids a bit better. Try and understand why, for example, if we cooked, if we changed the shape of the pasta, for example, all hell would break loose. Or, like, to put on a certain type of clothing, it was an absolute battle. Or, why My son would take 20 minutes to put his shoes on or he'd have an absolute meltdown after he'd put his shoes on because his socks felt funny and we'd just started, you know, this had happened ever since he was a baby and, I don't know, you develop these kind of coping strategies as a parent, right? Yeah, lots of people from outside of our family, friends, family members, so saying, Oh, you know, you should just tell them how it is and just, you know, stop pandering to it and just make them do it. And then it's like, well, no, because he's clearly distressed about certain things that we were just trying to understand. Anyway human design came into my life. I started exploring it for myself and I should caveat with this with I actually am a mum of three neurodivergent boys. But human design came first. We actually got the diagnoses afterwards and what human design did when I started looking into my family's charts, I was like, Oh. So many things started making sense. So, for example, with my oldest son, and I should also say that, you know, human design isn't a diagnostic tool. I don't want people to think, oh, you know, I can just diagnose my kids with it. That's not what it's for. And I've been asked this question before as well. It's like, well, actually, if you did the human design, why did you then seek a diagnosis? Now, I think there's two very different reasons for me doing that. And first of all, I want to say that it is absolutely down to personal choice. I don't think there is necessarily a right or a wrong way to do whatever you're doing. So human design has helped us massively understand our family dynamics, the individual quirks and the needs of each of our kids. What the diagnosis has done, the diagnosis hasn't changed anything for us as a family. per se, but what it has done is help to open up pathways for them in the education system, for example, or get us access to extra tolerance, I would say. So if we're going to The cinema, for example, we can go to a quieter screening, which is not quite so much of a sensory overload and things like that. The formal diagnosis is more for other people to be more tolerant. It's not for us personally as a family. Like, we don't walk around with a big label stuck on our back or anything like that. But what it has done, it's allowed more tolerance and allowances, particularly in the education system, I would say like we have a bit more extra support. People no longer think that my middle son is being naughty or deliberately obstructive. There's a bit more tolerance and understanding. And then for my oldest son, who's at secondary school, again, he gets, because secondary school is very overwhelming, so he can have a breakout space and things like that. So, I do think they are very different things. But, in terms of human design, it's massively helped us to understand. Because each of my boys they present very, very differently under the neurodivergence umbrella. And you can see that even in their charts, they're, they're, they're three, all three of them are completely different energy types for starters. So my eldest son is a sacral generator, but he only has two energy centers defined, which kind of makes sense as to why he is so hypersensitive. So we could never understand, and I actually did get asked this when he was at nursery. When he was at nursery sort of 10 years ago, they said, Oh, we need to keep an eye on him. He might be ADHD. And I was like, no, with all due respect, I know he's not got ADHD or I know he's not ADHD, full on ADHD because, I was an ex teacher. I'd seen kids, but they were like, well, when they have nursery and everything is so. There's a lot going on and what they would do is they would set up, they'd have like four or five tables set up with activities and he couldn't set. So as soon as he kind of goes in, he's flooded with all of this information and people and some people are doing some activities and what the, the comment was, it's like, but he can't, he has to race around to all of the tables and it's like, well, Now I understand that what he's doing with all of his seven open energy centers. He's sampling He's sampling the energy at all of those different tables like doing like two Maybe a minute or two minutes at each one to figure out where he feels comfortable and happy, and that's absolutely fine. Once he's found his thing and his space, then he will stay and he will settle. But to the outside world, it looks like he's completely hyperactive, he's flooded with all of this energy, and he picks up, he's highly sensitive to emotional energy. He is an empath. He can pick up he's very prone to catastrophizing, which is a very common neurodivergent trait. But he can have, something seemingly small, quite trivial, can turn into a massive existential crisis. Undefined crown, undefined ajna, undefined spleen, undefined solar plexus. So all of this stuff is going on for him, bless his heart. Now what that understanding that has helped us massively in terms of like managing situations, so like going to birthday parties going to school, we have put in practices at home where he can release that build up of additional energy. So that he has a safe space to kind of release that pressure. And he's much more able to kind of self regulate his emotions. We, he's so, so emotionally intelligent, but that's because he has had a safe space to be able to understand more. We quite often get comments from his teachers to say that actually on an emotional level, he is far wiser than his peers. And this is the, again, the beauty of the open centers in practice, because he doesn't have a fixed emotional wave. He doesn't have a fixed way of being. He has the ability to kind of learn and grow. And he understands much better now what situations are good for him and what aren't so that he can recognize when he's finding things a bit much and he can actually he's got the maturity now and the understanding of himself that he can kind of step out of that drama and remove himself and he understands when he needs like that breakout space which is amazing I mean he's only He's only 13. So to be able to have that knowledge and that wisdom at such a young age, can you imagine? It's phenomenal. So he's, he's been a really big he was actually the driver behind me kind of delving deeper into this from a family perspective because being able to support him has boosted his confidence. Secondary school, whilst it hasn't been easy, and it's not easy being a teenager, it doesn't matter where you are but hopefully we've managed to smooth it out and he's just such a, you know, he's such a gorgeous boy, he's such a lovely soul just seeing him grow and blossom as a, As a mature young man it's just a beautiful thing to see. So he was my first exploration, and then my middle son. Now it's interesting with him, obviously I love him dearly, but if I was to have any kind of friction points in my family, it's probably me and him. Now, understanding his charts. This was huge. He has a lot more definition than me. He has five energy centers defined. I only have four. But he has different energy centers defined to me. So where I have an open throat, he has a defined throat, where I have an open will, he has a defined will, where I have an open root center, he has a defined root center, which kind of makes sense as to why we butt up against each other a little bit. I feel pressure from him in my open centres because of his definition and that doesn't mean we don't get on, we do, we absolutely do, however, equally we've gained a better understanding of how we push pull in our energy. So when I need to step away obviously I'm the adult here, he's only a nine at the moment. So I have to understand and learn when I am feeling the pressure or when he's triggering things in me, I have to have the knowledge and awareness to be able to remove myself from the situation, which has, I cannot tell you. How much that has changed things because I used to find myself getting really uptight and really stressed out about certain things and he, he, and don't get me wrong, he still drives me completely insane because of some of his behaviors and the way he is sometimes. He is one he's probably the only one out of the three that would have what I would call epic tantrums, like physical tantrums. Especially, he really struggles with transitioning. And again, that's that defined will that you see there. He, if he decides he's gonna do something, he is gonna do it and he doesn't care. He's got his agenda. Now he is an He's a sacral authority, so follows his gut, but he's a manifesting generator, so he does have that manifestor anger that comes with him, especially if you tell him no, he hates no. I mean, no kid likes to be told no, do they? But for him, it's an even bigger deal. So what we've had to learn what we've had to teach him to do, because at school, He used to wander off. He used to get an idea in his head. He used to go off and do his thing. They used to lose him on a regular basis. I always remember feeling there was I was mortified if I'm honest. When they, when my middle son Nathan was starting school, I got a phone call from school. To say we just wanted to reassure you, Mrs. Atkins, that we have secured over the summer, we've been doing some works to secure the perimeter because we understand that Nathan is a flight risk. And I was like, Oh my God, how devastating is that? That's mortifying to know that, I mean, fair play to the school cause they understood it and fair play to the nursery because like they gave them the heads up, but to have your four year old described as a flight risk, but even then he would disappear within the school grounds because he decides he doesn't want to engage with that activity. He wants to do this activity over here and he would just take himself off. So we worked really hard with him to teach him to inform, keep people informed. And that has been, that has been a massive game changer, keeping us in the loop. And I think what he's now realized is that when he does keep us in the loop and let us know his ideas We can then give him options what is we try what we can It's not about giving in to him, but it's trying to manage him And his safety because he doesn't he doesn't necessarily understand risk. He doesn't have that natural understanding about his own safety if he gets an idea he wants to act on it, which is very manifestor energy For those of you who understand that. So again looking at Him and how he interacts with my oldest son now they get on Fabulously well, and they do have some connection channels they connect with I think it's two or three channels, which means that they have a really solid connection with each other. And when they're together, they can be thick as thieves. They actually get on really well and they're quite harmonious. And so Nathan has an undefined G centre, but Ben has a defined G centre. Nathan quite often does look to Ben for direction and for a bit of confidence. And Nathan can sort of come across as being quite shy. He'd very much be on the periphery of things. But he, if Ben was doing something then he would engage. So he works really well with him. And then coming on to my youngest son, who's a projector. So like I said, I've got three different energy types. I've got generator son, oldest, mani gen in the middle. And then we've got our emotional projector, who's our youngest son. And crikey, he was. I found him quite challenging, if I'm honest, and we couldn't understand why he was so needy or at least he came across as being really needy. Needed a lot of attention, not very independent at this stage. He's getting there. I mean, he's now six, nearly seven, but As soon as we understood more about the projector energy type, that very focused aura that they have, where they zone in on a one to one basis. He loves, like, being in a one to one situation so he would either zero in on myself as his parent or his caregiver, or on my husband, but he can be quite intense. And again, when we understood that, it was like, Oh, okay, that makes a lot of sense. He needs your undivided attention. So the other two were quite independent and very, because they have enveloping auras, they can take in everything. Whereas Harry's very intense and very focused. He's got that very focused aura. And again, just understanding that about him and what we've done a lot of is focusing on giving him the recognition that he craves, that he needs in order for him to shine. And by doing that, all of a sudden he didn't need us quite so much. Like he wasn't asking, mummy, mummy, mummy, look at this, look at this, look at this. We would say, wow, Harry, look at what you've done. That's amazing. And like, you've obviously worked really hard on that and lots of growth mindset stuff, lots of praising the effort, praising the work and offering up and inviting him to things. So, Oh, Harry, I'd love it, you're such an expert on this. Can you help me with this? Just seeing his confidence grow. And the more confident he's grown, the more, solid he is with knowing who he is and that's developed his independence. He can still have wobbles, he's very little still, but just understanding that about himself and what's really lovely is that I think at the school where he is I mean, the school that they're at is amazing, so I can't speak highly enough for them, but he needs people to see him. He needs, I mean, all kids love to be recognized, don't they? But he needs it more than ever, and what we've been really fortunate with is that the teachers, even the teachers that he's had, if he's having a wobbly day. They invite him in and they invite him in to be the expert and to, Oh Harry, I'd love it if you could do this to help me because you're so good at this. It's recognising his skill set and recognising him for who he is. whilst all children do thrive under that, but he, he values that. More than any of my other two kids. So just seeing that is a beautiful thing. Now with my husband, I mean we are, don't get me wrong, I've mentioned before, it's never been perfect. It's been lots of ups and downs, but we do balance each other out really well. So he is an empath, he is an undefined emotional centre. I am a defined emotional center, along with my youngest son. So we have three empaths in our house, two emotionally defined, so me and my youngest. Understanding that, huge. Knowing that myself and my youngest are responsible for bringing emotional energy into the house and potentially triggering and amplifying that energy through my husband and the two boys. Just understanding that. So when Harry is having a particularly sort of emotionally low day, or it can be a bit challenging, I'm the one that can cope with it and manage it, so I help him with his self regulation, because I can deal with it. Whereas everybody else in the house almost needs to have a bit of a distance and understand that it's not their emotions that they're picking up on the emotional energy of either myself or their younger brother. And again, it's completely calmed the house down, which is just much easier to manage as a family unit, I've pulled together a Penta chart. You can pull together up to five charts to have a look at the connection and our Penta between the five of us has. Every energy center defined, so when we're all in the house together, it can be quite intense, which is fine, and we've got a relatively decent sized house, so it's funny when we all come together, we're quite often all in the house, but all in different parts of the house, so I might be in my office, my husband will be in his office downstairs, my youngest son will be in the front room, My eldest son will be up in the loft, and then my middle son will be out in the back room. And we do come together, I'm not saying we're all individuals, but with all of that definition, and a lot of energy kind of in the house, there is a recognition that we don't have to be together all of the time. Which has been a big thing for me as a parent, because I had this idea, you have this image of how family life should be. And actually, the more I've leaned into meeting the individual needs, the easier it is when we are together. That dynamic has shifted and we actually, we have a laugh. We have such a lovely time. We probably spend more time laughing than we do being annoyed with each other because we, we're not feeding that tension or that friction. We're allowing the individuals to crack on and understand what their needs are and meet their needs. Which leads me on to profiles really. I will do a separate episode on this, but we, there are 12 potential profiles with human design. And we have four different ones in our household out of five people. So we've got my husband, who's a 6/2 I am a 3/5, my eldest son is a 2/4 profile, then my middle son is also a 6/2 like my husband, and then my youngest son is a 5/1. So out of the five of us, we have three line twos, which is the hermit profile in traditional human design. They need their alone time, they need their decompression time, they need their space integrate, reflect, and just decompress from other people, time to spend with their gifts and developing their knowledge and understanding of the world or their expertise around them. Understanding that like at the end of a busy day where they've been interacting at like work or school or whatever. When we come home into our safe space, they will go off to their separate spaces because that's what they need. Me, three, five, I like to be doing, I like to be experimenting. I'm the only one that likes to do that kind of thing in my family. So I've had to let go and I, rather than trying to bring everybody together. We do have opportunities to do that, but I don't have to do it all of the time and they don't want to do it all of the time, so me, for me to understand that has been huge. It's almost like everybody else kind of can breathe a sigh of relief and if I want to go and do something then I'll go and do it and I don't have to drag everybody else around with me. So we've got two 6 2s. Me is the three five. So we've got three line twos, two line sixes. So people that, my husband and my middle son, who are innately wise, that's what they bring. They have a knowledge and understanding of the right way to do things. They can be a bit pedantic sometimes, but You know, I understand it. I find them pedantic because I want to try all of the things. They just naturally know what is the right way. And I know that I drive them insane, but because I'm still going to experiment, come what may. And that's, again, that's fine with them understanding that, you know, that's my need. That has helped calm things down a little bit, like, rather than them thinking I'm being deliberately Annoying by not listening to them. It's that it's not, they understand that it's my need to try and test things out And then we've got me and my youngest again, both emotional defined, remember? Both line fives, so we have this Projection, this aura that makes people believe that we have the answers to everything. We quite often, you know, highly capable. And now I am very aware that when I was a kid, my parents told me that they always knew I'd be alright. They just knew. I brought with me, even from a toddler, I brought with me this energy of always just being fine. Which is great and all, however, one of the things that it kind of fed into for me growing up was that I can't rely on anybody else, I need to fix it, I need to sort everything out myself. So I really struggled asking for help I'm the archetypal Swan, so what people don't see is this, like, frantic paddling of my feet underneath the surface. What people would see externally is, Oh, she knows the answer. We'll go and ask Sarah. And what I am conscious of is that I've seen that behaviour appearing in Harry. Like, everybody always thinks he's fine. What I don't want for him is to burn out. He's more prone to burn out because he's a projector and I did burn out myself and, and I've had, you know, panic attacks and all sorts sort of, after I left university I burnt out in 2008 because I had this almost like a keep calm, carry on aura. And nobody really knew what was going on under the surface, which is the, Flipside to the Line 5, whilst Line 5's are highly capable and got good leadership qualities and things like that, it doesn't mean they can't ask for help and it doesn't mean that they're responsible for rescuing or fixing and saving everybody else. And I'm very conscious that I want Harry to understand that he doesn't have to take responsibility for everybody. To grow up with that confidence to say no that's what we are kind of currently working on. So with all of this understanding comes wisdom, right? Just raised self awareness. I imagine a world where our kids grow up being able to advocate for themselves, to be able to understand what their needs are. I mean, hell, women, think about women and the generations of women that have had to put their needs aside because, you know, they're natural caregivers and that's not to take anything away from the single dads and, or the, you know, male parents, but just in general throughout centuries. The traditional archetype of a woman is as a caregiver, whether it's looking after parents, looking after relatives, looking after their friends, friendships, relationships, children, siblings, you know, whatever. It's the women that are conditioned to be the caregivers, to be the nurturers. And it's in every sense of media that we watch, TV shows, Bible stories, just normal stories. I know that we're trying to change the narrative now with lots of positive role models and developing that traditional archetype. But a lot of this is coded into our DNA, right? If you think about your mother, and then her mother, and then her mother's mother, and look at all of those archetypes going all the way back down that matriarchal line. Look at the roles that they played. That gets coded into your DNA. Now, I don't have daughters. I don't have girls. I have a niece who is very fiercely independent, and I'm super proud, but she is also a 3/5 profile like me, which is awesome. So we have a really good understanding of each other, and we have a great relationship. I have boys. I see it as my, role as a mum of boys to bring up boys that respect the female archetype, that they're breaking out of that toxic, toxic masculine archetype. They are highly sensitive. They are elevated in their own energy and they can be their own archetype their own up leveled selves, their own advocate for their own needs and emotional intelligence and just understanding themselves rather than buying into these toxic masculine archetypes that, is conditioned into their DNA. I think as Parents as human beings, we are moving into a different way of doing things. Because I think this is how we are going to evolve as humans. And I don't think there's anything wrong with being able to advocate for our own needs and generally just understanding other people. If we could just be a bit kinder to each other, have more tolerance in the world, not just from, obviously my lens is through neurodivergence, but not just through that, you know, just through everything, I believe the world would be a better place. And I strongly believe that the more you, you can be, the more you can amplify your, uniqueness, the more people will be living in alignment and the more people that are aligned with their true self, that raises the energy and magnetizes everything in the world. And it has this ripple effect of people wouldn't be living so much in their shadow side. There'd be less violence. There'd be less hatred. There'd be less vitriol in the world. There'd be less conflict. Because we wouldn't be trying to impose our own ideas and ideals on everybody else. We'd be more accepting of the individuality. The more we can embrace our individuality and uniqueness, and accept that other people are individual and unique, then that elevates the whole world. That might sound really idealistic, but, I am forever the optimist. That's the joys of being a 3/5, it's just who I am and I'm okay with that. It might really piss other people off, but quite honestly, I don't give a shit anymore. I used to, but I don't. I am here for the up leveled version of me. The aligned version of me and the aligned version of all the individuals that I come across and work with and it's all about creating a positive impact in the world. It starts with your family. I hope that this has been interesting. I hope that it might have Encouraged you to possibly go and have a look at your own chart and maybe look at their family members Because it's made a massive difference just even understanding my parents and my relationship to my brother I mean, that's a whole other different story. And maybe I'll go into that one day but for the time being I would love to hear your thoughts on your family dynamics and how Human design might be able to help you create a calmer household. Thanks for listening.

Sarah Atkins: 35:43

Thank you for joining me on this episode of the Energetics of Being. I hope you found our exploration today, both insightful and inspiring, and if you resonated with what you heard today, I invite you to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast on your preferred platform, whatever that might be. Your feedback is really invaluable and it helps us to reach even more listeners on their own journey of self-discovery. And remember, the conversation doesn't have to end here. You can connect with me on social media. I'm on Instagram under the handle sarah m atkins. Or you can find me on Facebook just as Sarah Atkins. You could even come and join my Facebook group, The Energetics of Being where you can share your thoughts, questions, or your own personal experiences. I would really love to hear from you and continue our conversation there. I am on a personal mission to bring you thought provoking conversations and practical insights to help you break free from the conditioning that holds you back, allowing your true self to shine brilliantly. And as we close out this episode, take a moment to reflect on what you've learned today. How can you apply these insights to your own life? What steps can you take to further align with your own authentic self? Thank you again for listening. I really do appreciate you choosing to spend some time with me. And until next time, remember that you are a unique once in a lifetime expression of the universe. Embrace your individuality, trust your inner wisdom, and keep shining your light brightly. Take care, and we'll catch you in the next episode of The Energetics of being. Stay curious, stay authentic, and stay true to you.